When I retired years ago, it was time. After years of building, owning, and operating The Panic Room, I was tired. I needed to hang up the scythe and engage in other pursuits.
I took up rest.
I became something of a celebrity. You may have seen some of my cameo appearances on television.
And of course, I've enjoyed the beach.
But deep down, I always knew when I retired that there was a chance I'd have to put on the Garment of Darkness again as the cries of Mid-Atlantic weenies grew louder with successive years of snow futility.
I've watched with concern as @psuhoffmanslipped into madness, saying that the days of Mid-Atlantic snow have ended.
My empty chest cavity sank as I saw the rage on the subforum boil over daily and the schadenfreude that warmed the heart of @mattie g.
Even folks like @H2O seem lost.
I sat by quietly and witnessed the devolution of this subforum, until I received a call I couldn't avoid.
For the first time, the alarm in my sacred chamber was triggered.
My old friend has called for my return for years. Those calls went unanswered. But seeing this most profound lamentation at the season was too much for me to bear.
For too long there have been no consequences for canceling winter early. There is too much anger and strife, rather than camaraderie and comedy forged by being beaten down by winter.
There must be a sacrifice to please the Great Pacific. There must be violence to disturb the Polar Vortex.
The Lord High Executioner of the Mid-Atlantic and Eastern Realms must step forward to conduct this most solemn task.
@Jebman, I think you still have faith in flakes, and for winter to truly arrive (we think) I must take one with a pure winter weenie heart and soul. Wipe those tears from your eyes and grab your shovel. It's time to come home.
Sorry it had to be so messy. I know you wanted white glove service but I had a spa appointment I couldn't miss.
Ok, now back to yoga and fishing and retirement. You're welcome, Mid-Atlantic.
Oh...wow..I almost forgot. Jeb, let me borrow that shovel for a minute.