First, find a big enough microwave. Second, place turkey in microwave safe dish, season to taste. Put 7 sticks of butter in the bottom of the dish. Next, place dish with your turkey into the microwave for 500 minutes, on 25% power. Once time is up, rotate π/6 radians then cook again for 500 minutes. Continue with this until you’ve rotated the turkey a full 2π radians, and then your turkey is complete... Last step, beg your power company to lower the cost of your power bill, as running the microwave for 6000 minutes cannot be cheap.
Gravy: Add 1 stick of butter to a bowl, stir in 1 stick of butter with 1 stick of butter.