I'm so sorry to hear this. Nearly a decade ago now I lost my dad as I was careering towards rock-bottom during my struggle with alcoholism. This place really is a paradox because as much as it can tend to foster unhealthy and neurotic tendencies, it was also one of the very few constants at a time in my life when I struggled to conjure up so much as a modicum of interest in anyone or anything. And it also represented one of the outlets that were so instrumental in my ability to rebuild my life, and channel my addiction into somewhat healthier channels.
Happy holidays...hang in there, and think snow-