Couldn't agree more about how all kids with the drive and natural ability - regardless of division - can make it to all-stars. I mentioned our one coach, who is a 17-year-old graduating from Lake Braddock this year...he has always swum for our neighborhood pool (Burke Station Square), despite our never being higher than Division 14. That's not to say that he'd have been able to swim for one of those top NVSL teams, but I imagine he could have. Instead, he swam with our little team/his neighborhood team for over a decade and got to partake in all the activities and the dancing and the meets as an 8&U to ultimately handing out paper plate awards and being made into an ice cream sundae by his team this year.
It sounds like you...ummm...have a lot of experience with NVSL . We're just getting into the swim thing, but I sincerely hope I don't came across too much of what you experienced over the years. It's not terribly surprising to hear some of your anecdotes, though it's truly Karen-esque for someone to sh*t on a local pool that's just trying to put its best foot forward for the league. I mean...the pool that hosted our division relays is tiny, old, and decrepit, and while my wife and I (and some other families) definitely talked about it among ourselves, we wouldn't have dared to think of demeaning them.
Our pool is really a tight-knit community. It draws mostly from our HOA (which isn't all that big), but there are families who live outside the subdivision who are part of our little family, too. Fun is the first thing we shoot for. Anything else is gravy. We're in Division 16 - we have no delusions of grandeur, even if some of the kids are incredibly talented and work really hard - so fun is first and foremost. And while I want my girls to be competitive and I would love them to be superstars(!), if that means we have to deal with some of what you mentioned, then I'd probably have to think twice about that!